Some Thoughts on Psycho-Oncology Day

Today, as we observe Psycho-Oncology Day, I feel the need to share something deeply personal,something I witnessed closely while standing beside my grandmother through her battle.

When someone is unwell, especially battling a serious illness like cancer, it’s often best to avoid visitors. I’ve seen firsthand how the mental and emotional challenges faced by the patient and their family are deeply personal and difficult to explain to others. Sometimes, it’s not about secrecy,it’s about protecting our peace

When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, she and our family chose not to share it with many people. Not because we were ashamed, but because we didn’t want sympathy, unwanted advice, or hurtful comments. We wanted to her to feel strong, not fragile… We wanted peace.. Not pity. Sadly, when the news eventually reached someone, their reaction was shocking. They said, “Oh, so the whole family are good actors!” as if they had uncovered a hidden secret. It was deeply hurtful.

In our society, there’s often pressure to inform everyone when someone is sick, as though it’s a public matter. But in reality, sometimes visits and insensitive comments do more harm than good. Instead of helping, they can make the patient feel worse. A simple phone call or a message is more than enough if you genuinely care.

I remember people asking my grandmother why she had lost so much weight or saying they couldn’t recognize her. For someone going through cancer, physical appearance is already a sensitive issue. Comments like these only add to their pain. Others would ask unnecessary questions about her condition, which served no purpose except to satisfy curiosity.

Many close friends and others have asked us, “Why didn’t you tell this earlier?” Please understand..this was the reason. It was never about keeping anyone away or hiding things out of personal issues. We just wanted peace, not pity. Thank you for understanding

Here’s what I’ve learned: sometimes love means staying silent, giving space, and offering support without invading their peace. A call, a thoughtful message, or simply being available without pressing for details can mean the world to someone in pain.

Let’s normalize emotional privacy, and not force patients to put on brave faces just for visitors.

To everyone fighting or supporting someone through cancer: I see you. I respect your silence. And I send strength your way.

Supporting someone with cancer is not easy..it takes a lot of emotional strength. But we stood with her, held her close, and made sure she felt loved and strong. We didn’t let outside opinions disturb her peace

Ritty Thomas